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Couples sometimes begin setting goals for their relationships by writing down five specific objectives for areas such as mutual support, problem solving, individual development, structural goals, financial goals and family goals. Once these are written down, both individuals should review each other’s lists and look for similarities or differences. Over the years, the couple can evaluate how they’ve helped or hindered the achievement of long term goals. They may need to revise their goals or set new ones over time. In dysfunctional relationships, a third party mediator often aids in providing goal setting tips.

Setting smart goals often begins with mutual support objectives. Couples need to establish how interdependent they’ll be, how to help one another grow and how to include others in the relationship, without losing support and intimacy. The ground rules for communication are usually established in this stage of setting coalition goals. Couples will need to be on the same page as far as how long they’d like the relationship to last. If the relationship is for the long haul, they’ll need to set goals on how to nurture mutual intimacy throughout the years to keep the flames of passion burning. They will also need to look for ways to have fun in the relationship. During hardships, couples will need to know when to pull closer and when to leave some space.

Often setting goals for solving problems aren’t discussed beforehand, but must be talked about after the first real conflict. Personal planning includes looking at different ways to resolve conflict in a healthy and productive manner. Couples will need to talk about what their short term goals for a conflict may be. For instance, a woman may continue arguing until her mate issues an apology. A man may continue to stew in anger until the woman relents and admits that he was “right.” Following a fight, couples must look at what each party can do to ensure a similar fight does not happen again.

When setting goals, there are several characteristics that should be considered. Goals are usually general in nature and specify that each partner plays a part in the achievement of the goals. The time frame should be flexible, allowing months or years for the changes to be made. They should be written in a clear, understandable language and clarified whenever necessary. They should be agreeable to both partners and guarantee general respect. They should aim toward achieving a healthy, happy relationship and be oriented toward mutual growth. Individuals often find that once they set goals they lead much happier and more fulfilling lives.

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